fiction

Thank you, Mark Stewart and ecthros for your encouraging words in the comments to my previous entry of self-annihilation.. In afterthought, I do guess one learns one's entire life (at least that's what I hear..) and this justifies opinion-making even at my early stage of learning.

Also, I realise that I probably cannot do without writing here as this space gives me opportunity to formulate thoughts that would otherwise just be absurd fragments in my mind when never forced into a (more or less) systematic exposition.

Another effect of formulating thoughts (especially when dealing with frustrations) is that I force myself to rationally face the facts of the reasons for my emotional outbursts. Its in this situation I often realise that I am not entirely justified in feeling as strongly as I do. Even though I try to advocate the idea of importance of validating the reasons that bring about strong feelings even though seemingly trivial as opposed to an overly 'humble' attitude of always thinking oneself is in the wrong and not wanting or daring to trouble others with one's own "probably insignificant" feelings.

Sooo, after having justified my online existence.. I had a small realisation and although its imbecile, really, I'll write it.

I used to read quite alot until the end of high school / college (pre-uni...) where I got so fed up with books. I've started reading some again (fiction, I mean) and I find myself getting so 'into' the story that I relate to and compare myself with the characters in which case I always find myself lacking their quick wit and ability to say all the significant things in everyday phrases. I've been thinking like this alot and found that I've had a tendency to 'choose' my friends accordingly - those who understand that 'layer of subtleties' are the ones I usually get along with (among other things as well, of course).

Until it struck me recently how moronic this way of thinking is that only causes me to regard 99.9% of the people around me negatively. Why isolate myself?! I simply realised that the author of the books (ie. the creator of the characters) had probably spent a long time formulating those lines compared to how long I have to mull over everything I say before I say it. Its like only ever reading poetry and therefore isolating oneself to only relating properly to people who can formulate themselves like Robert Frost in an sms while driving their car!

So now I'm having to re-learn some basic principles when relating to... people.

talk less, learn more!

Doubting that anyone has been enduring enough to check and re-check my blog, and that therefore no one will read this, I write this anyway: my explanation (bordering on an apology) (first and foremostly to myself, I think).

As my theology courses at the University of Aarhus continue, I realise the futility of many of my words. Its been said that knowledge only proceeds more questions, ie. greater awareness of the doors yet unopened.

What I'm saying is that, in order to save myself embarrasement to myself later, I will try to talk less and learn more. [smile]